June 23-27, 2004 was CPTPC retreat 2004 was awesome. how great it is to be totally dependant and blessed by God. i am not worthy, but i am available! more later...
Ephesians 6
The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19 Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Final Greetings
21 Tychicus, the dear brother and faithful servant in the Lord, will tell you everything, so that you also may know how I am and what I am doing. 22 I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are, and that he may encourage you.
23 Peace to the brothers, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 24 Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.
YMCA Fun Pass ended the last school week of May and then i was jobless. i knew i could stay at 908 Stoughton #1 'til our subletters moved in. so the plan was to find a job and stay on campus somewhere, somehow. in the midst of Fun Pass ending, i was working with Karen for the YMCA Fun Bus. Fun Bus is a free YMCA on wheels. we bring equipment and sports to the community and run YMCA activities. it can range from a group or class of twenty students, to an entire grade level at a school to an entire school or community. along with Fun Pass, which runs Mon to Thurs, in the last two weeks i helped with Fun Bus Friday and Saturday. the week after Fun Pass, i worked with the Fun Bus on Wed, Thurs and Fri. it was still not going to be consistent work and pay, but i was grateful. in the midst of that i was praying and thinking about what other jobs i could do to stay down in chambana. i know God has something great in store for me here.
that same Friday, June 4th at about 9:30am, i received a call from Andy. i knew that she was in charge of the YMCA's summer camp programs, so i assumed that Chad talked to her about being a substitute bus driver for the summer. but to my surprise, she offered me a permanent position as a YMCA Summer Camp bus driver. i would work consistantly five days a week fulltime. O PRAISE GOD! He totally provided on this one! i was gonna apply at Wal-Mart or some random restaurant, but instead i get to use my limited skills and work with kids. how amazing is that?
now, after a week and a half driving for the Summer Camps, i can kinda see where God wants to use me. all the kids know me by name. thanks to the counselors who treat me like another counselor rather than a bus driver. i can see what God means when he glorifies the humble. i would have been content serving kids as a bus driver, but here i am, being appreciated and included in their lives. i am probably the only staff person this summer that all the kids and counselors know in name. that is so amazing to me. this probably feeds me in many ways, but i just want to serve God in whatever way He has chosen this summer. like i've said before, i dont know exactly where i am going, but i know that right now i'm in the right place, cuz God is in control. if this life was up to me, i'd probably be a businessman somewhere else, making lots of money, growing farther and farther away from this God who loves me. what a privilege it is to know my God wont let me go that easily.
i have moved to 609 S. Randolph #103, Champaign, IL 61820. it is also known as John Randolph Atrium, or stricty ATRIUM, though there is another Atrium on Lincoln, across from UnicoRn.
i have taken over Dean's (aka Ding Ou) room. the apt is kinda dirty, but i'll work on that, starting with my bathroom. my roommates this summer are Jonathan Choe, who Justin and i were supposed to live with originally, Matt and Estin. i'm excited to have the chance to live with Jon before he leaves campus. we are gonna have tons of fun.
the first full day here we had a huge Dimsum dinner with Catherine Yoon's friend Mo. he's a great cook. we started at 7pm and ate around 12:30am. it was crazy good though. we made a ton of dishes from scratch. it took a long time cuz it was for 8 people. i think dimsum is made to be eaten out, the price to time consumtion we experienced proves this. Pheonix anyone? even better, let's go to HK!
i dont want to put this into my words of correct perspective. i said i'd be real here. so here's my raw emotional complaining. dont be stumbled or discouraged. God redeems or corrects in His time ("iBboy81" is me, "Coservant" is a protected identity).
iBboy81 (1:17:25 AM): so, you know i give people rides up to chicago all the time?
iBboy81 (1:17:33 AM): well when i go, during the school year
iBboy81 (1:17:59 AM): and sometimes it's random people
iBboy81 (1:18:08 AM): but since it's CFC or friends of, i'm okay
iBboy81 (1:18:19 AM): apparantly i cant do the same
Coservant (1:19:24 AM): eh?
iBboy81 (1:19:25 AM): she said i was random
iBboy81 (1:19:37 AM): but i thought we served together
Coservant (1:19:42 AM): someone said she can't give u a ride cuz she doesn't know you
iBboy81 (1:19:48 AM): basically
Coservant (1:19:53 AM): mm...
iBboy81 (1:20:51 AM): i donno
iBboy81 (1:21:32 AM): i know the general concerns, but i dont see where that would apply...
iBboy81 (1:21:49 AM): and she talked to someone who knows me?
iBboy81 (1:21:54 AM): and i still got a call about it
iBboy81 (1:22:03 AM): i feel really salty
Coservant (1:22:36 AM): mm..
Coservant (1:22:37 AM): sorry gill
Coservant (1:22:40 AM): =(
Coservant (1:22:45 AM): that's tough
Coservant (1:22:54 AM): i know .. u must feel pretty hurt and offfended ...
Coservant (1:23:24 AM): but ... i don't know~
Coservant (1:23:57 AM): take it for what it is .. and just don't let it affect you too much, ok? just keep trying to find a rid
iBboy81 (1:23:59 AM): i need an older brother to talk to
Coservant (1:24:13 AM): some people .. just ... have a different standard of what they feel comfortable with
iBboy81 (1:24:16 AM): sorry i always dump on you lately
Coservant (1:24:20 AM): and ... not that it's right ... but ..
Coservant (1:24:43 AM): nooo, it's ok!! i really like that you share with me about things ..
Coservant (1:24:49 AM): i'm jsut sorry i'm not helpful tho ..
iBboy81 (1:24:58 AM): whatever, you are
iBboy81 (1:25:13 AM): just dont let it go to your head
iBboy81 (1:25:14 AM): hahah
iBboy81 (1:25:16 AM): jp
Coservant (1:26:25 AM): hahah
Coservant (1:26:29 AM): alright alrighty =P
iBboy81 (1:26:38 AM): i think i'm getting too liberal for cfc undergrad
iBboy81 (1:26:51 AM): i may have to move to career
Coservant (1:27:03 AM): hahah
iBboy81 (1:28:34 AM): my issues have to do with my heart so much lately
iBboy81 (1:28:52 AM): i dont know if moving is the answer
iBboy81 (1:29:01 AM): i mean, it oesnt fix the real issue
Coservant (1:30:16 AM): yup
Coservant (1:30:34 AM): we always wanna run away .. thinking it'll be better or easier somewhere else .. but it never really is
Coservant (1:30:45 AM): cuz at the core it's really all about our heart
iBboy81 (1:31:58 AM): my initial response is, why doesnt everything change for me?
iBboy81 (1:32:14 AM): cuz i'm the center and that'll make me feel better
iBboy81 (1:32:19 AM): so selfish
iBboy81 (1:32:20 AM): ;p
iBboy81 (1:32:49 AM): i need to go to God
iBboy81 (1:33:29 AM): i have too many issues and doubts
iBboy81 (1:33:38 AM): i'll ttyl
Coservant (1:33:48 AM): ok~
Coservant (1:33:51 AM): hang in there gill ...
iBboy81 (1:34:02 AM): you too
Coservant (1:34:12 AM): be honest and real before God .....
iBboy81 (1:34:14 AM): i'll pray for your job search
Coservant (1:34:17 AM): i'll be praying for you ..
Coservant (1:34:18 AM): thanks
Coservant (1:34:22 AM): =)
Coservant (1:34:25 AM): i'll ttyl
iBboy81 (1:34:54 AM): 'nite Coservant
iBboy81 (1:35:01 AM): thank you for listening
Coservant (1:35:13 AM): night. let me know if you need anything .. or need any more help fiding a ride
Coservant (1:35:19 AM): gnight.. bye
Conversation ended at 6/12/04 1:35:22 AM.
i'm such a sensitive little girl...i hate it. grow up, be a man. my heart hurts. dont worry Random, this was just the end cap of the night, not the cake or even frosting. you already said sorry, so that's all good for me. God'll take care of the rest.
sometimes i feel so misunderstood and unloved. no one even wants to take the time to get to know me. what is there to know about me? why do i think i should be loved? what am i worth? the blood on the cross? of course, but it's not by my blood, but the blood that covers me. because of Him i will get through my hurt heart and persevere.
this Tuesday and Wednesday, i spent the school day playing with 1st graders and kindergardeners respectively through the YMCA Fun Bus. OH MY GOSH, they are so cute!
i saw a lot of my King's Club kids there too. most of them are 2nd graders or older, but i had some kindergardeners today. it was good to see them, and they actually recognized me. i made some new friends too, but i'm biast to my kids first. OH I MISS THEM!
seeing them a few times a week, through the program and home visits will leave the deepest of memories with me. it really makes me thing what kind of work/ministry should i persue? i know that where i am now is exactly where God wants me, but how do i figure out where He wants me to be in the future, or how to get there? i feel really slow when it comes to hearing and listening to His voice.
i am so grateful that in the midst of looking for a job and finding direction, God provides me with simple loves and joys. may i continue to live and be a blessing to everyone i encounter. all things in His great timing.
