The Christian hypocrite/Double Motives

Greetings in the name of Jesus!

Romans 7
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

without comtemplative "chewing" on verses like this, i'd be left at, "huh?". you know P. Min fasted, prayed and reflected on it. here are some sermons on it. listen to God more carefully. here's one, here's the other.

here's my breif understanding of it.

when God gave the Law through Moses, our Sin was revealed. though we did not know what Sin was until the Law came, we still had it. the Law made us slaves to Sin. because of the Law, we are now accountable to our sins. by the Grace and Mercy of God, through Jesus, we are set apart from our sins and are freed from the Law and along with that, the punishment deserved for Sin. see The Passion of the Christ.

growing Christian or sometimes sinning hypocrite? good desires vs. sinful desires. though we are set apart and freed, are we sinless? did Jesus or does God expect us to become Sin-less in this life?

i only know of One who lived without Sin. everyone before and after Him lived with sin. but because Jesus died for us, we are justified. in justification, we are considered sinless and are adopted into His family. in adoption, we are His perfect children, because of the blood shed by Jesus. in us, He sees Jesus. while we live in this world, we are being sanctified. in sactification, we are becoming more like Jesus here in this world. it is our part to persevere, with the help and strength given through the Holy Spirit.

(post publication addition)
know the phrase "do what i say, not what i do"? i believe this is typically used in the context of hyporites. the response of this hypocrite is that i must make what i say, what Jesus did. Give Him the glory so that despite what i do, what i say points others to the cross.
2:33AM, May 31, 2004

By His Grace and Mercy,
Gill

blog dedicated to JAnette

Greetings in the name of Jesus!

because she called me to see how i was doing this weekend, this blog is dedicated to my playmate of the year, miss JAnette (shown below)


she went all the way home to MD/DC a couple weeks ago. i miss her lots. now i'm on campus and almost everyone i know is in Chicagoland or elsewhere.

JAnette and i began hanging out a lot this past semester. she knows me pretty well and feeds my heart well (see This Love-Me Success). we hungout so much that random people in CFC even began coming up to me and asking what was going on. i assure you, we are good friends. just cuz i have many more female friends than males doesnt make me a playa or pimp. hate the sin, not the sinner. besides, i'm just me. coming from where i wanted to go, going to where God wants me to be. if you knew me, you would love me. just playin', i'm so terrible! ;p thanks for caring!

here she is back home with a new sensual haircut, showing off fashionable lunchboxes
(click to see her blogger):


anyways, we visited my hometown/Chicago and her hometown/DC, which i've never been. i donno why spending time with girls is considered taboo in our church culture, but i still love CFC. just gotta play the wise old man role i guess. if my life offends you, look at the offense of the cross. man, i just plank-eyed you. lemme get that piece of dust outta your eye with my elbow.

love God more, Gill.

By His grace and mercy,
Gill

40 days of fasting

Greetings in the name of Jesus!

i will fast from tv. well except for basketball. because it helps me chat with nonChristians at IMPE. anyways, here's why...for lent i fasted from all types of Law and Order. believe you me, that was tough. it's my favorite show. there's lots of drama and a feeling of compensation and closure at the end. none of the relational drama i know about.

anyways, being summer and kinda bored down here in the apt alone, i've taken up a lot of television watching. so now i will fast for...forty days. i hope i have the right heart in doing this. in place of TV i will read, read and read. cuz i dont read much. i will still watch movies if it means i'll be spending time with people and building relationships for God's glory. basically, i'm fasting from wasting time, letting TV fill me unhealthily.

i will break fast after June 30th, so we'll see where i'm at July 1st. God help me!

By His grace and mercy,
Gill

YMCA Fun Pass

Greetings in the name of Jesus!

hi friends,

soon after finding an apartment with two faithful Christian brothers (Chris and Aurum), God provided for me a job at the YMCA. i began helping as a temporary bus driver for the program. as time went on i became a more regular bus driver and helper for the program. second semester, the person i was helping left and i took over as Coordinator.

in addition to the responsibilities i had before, as Coordinator of the Fun Pass program, i had to plan monthly activities, update families with what was going on and take on full responsibility of the students and program. as i took over, a rapid growth in attendance occurred. this was worrisome and stressing for me. the majority of the students were first time Fun Passers, as i was, so we had to get used to one another. though there was only one of me, there were days where i had to take charge of 20+ junior high students. but i can testify that God is good and has taught me a great deal through this experience.

as the school year comes to a close for my students and me, there is a dwindling of attendance. part of the reason is the warming weather and the disciplinary problems some students have, at school/home, with parents.

i am now debating if i will return as Coordinator or just come in as an assistant. i want to stay in these students' lives, but i also want to choose where God wants me to be. i havent seen fruit of change of heart, but i feel confident that God has placed me there for a reason. i just want to share God's love for these students. i feel convicted that many people dont see that love without the committment behind it.

we must live consistant, Christ-like lives.

Gill

Summer Session 1

i feel very displaced right now. i havent gone to morning prayer since last week. i just wake up, eat, get ready for work, work, come back to the apt to eat and watch tv, take care of pookie, then talk on AIM till it's too late and repeat.

i've been experiencing a lot about double-motives. whether it is brought up by someone or comes from something i read or listen to. what is God trying to teach me? i know i need discipline and even ask for it on occasion. why does God love me so much? i want to get myself out of this slump, i dont like it at all. i feel distant from people and God. but the true answer is...

i need God. only by the grace and mercy of God. go to the cross!

This LOVE-ME Success

for those of you who stumble across here randomly, this may or may not make sense. the senior pastor at my church here at school, CFC (covenant fellowship church), pastor min, wrote his doctoral thesis on the heart motives of people.

this may not be totally precise, i still have a lot to learn about heart motives. basically, every person has one major heart motive, but there are different layers and minor(s). your layer determines how your major reacts. your minors are the other heart motives that come out, but your major is the basis of why you do the things you do. your heart motive, layers and minor(s) are what makes people different. with a better understanding, you too can redeem your heart and love God more.

there are four heart motives; love-me, like-me, respect-me and perfect-me. then you have success and failure layers. everyone has one heart motive and is in one of the layers, but in different situations and with different people, other layers or minor(s) will surface.

click it to learn a little more about heart motives.

now on to me...remember, this is me, not love-me successes in general. my minors may show through this paper.

This LOVE-ME Success

DEFINITION

This love-me success honestly believes that if you do not love me then you do not really know me. To know me better is to love me more. God so loved the world...Jesus loves me, therefore you should love me. That is the sinfulness of this heart, that I would replace God with myself.

RELATIONSHIPS

People who talk to me and spend time with me consistently, feed me. I am also fed by constant and consistent pursuing from anyone (do not worry, I am trying to repent and redeem this grossness).

Because I am selfish, I think I deserve to be loved. The time and/or priority someone gives me shows they love me, which shows they know me. If someone doesn’t take the time to get to know me, my selfishness tells me that they can at least like-me, respect-me or perfect-me.

CHOSEN ONES

Because of my selfishness, people are in concentric layers (circular levels with a common center) in relation to me. This is not to be confused with heart motive layers.

Chosen ones are people who have "passed" my testing process. They are in my inner most layer. This may have taken many years to come to fruition. Potentials are in process of testing. They may be determined at meeting, or after passing a few general tests. Close friends and aquaintancees may be potentials. Potentials are non-chosen ones as are everyone else.

My family does not seem to be my chosen ones. To me, they are required to love me, so their love is not as genuine, though I know it is. I have few close friends whom I consider chosen ones. With my chosen ones, I desire to spend more time with them. I am not afraid to chase after them, though they may reject me infinite times. With potentials or non-chosen ones, there is a testing period. After a few missed meetings/unreturned calls, I am turned away. Generally, I am testing everyone, I have many potentials. I tend to seek out or settle for relationships when I am not getting fed. My currant SG members may become my chosen ones for a short period of time, but basically they are potentials. They just get a head start on everyone else because I have a predisposition to love them.

SITUATIONS

I do not get fed by casual nods/handshakes in a large crowd situation. I would rather have a chosen one come to me and spend time with me. I think it makes me feel loved or show my lovability.

The 'This is Me' Blog

i may or may not post my personal, random, truthful, thoughts. beware, they may be harse, random, God fearing, God fearless, long and or otherwise disorganized. i may or may not make this one public.

personal statement for Teaching Assistants-Early Childhood Summer Session 2004

1. Please explain how your past personal and professional experience make you a quality candidate for the position for which you are applying.

I believe I am a qualified candidate for the teaching assistant opening for early childhood summer session at Washington. Though I have not decided which teaching certificate to attain, I am convicted to pursue teaching opportunities. These convictions began to formulate after my summer job, teaching English in Taiwan (The Silent Teaching Center 2002). In the fall of 2002, I took education classes at UIUC and volunteered at King’s Club International. By the New Year, I was fully committed and am still pursuing different teaching opportunities. I want to assist at Washington because it would give me experience with early childhood students in the classroom setting.

Being born in Taiwan, but raised in America, I jumped on the opportunity to teach what I learned to students at The Silent Teaching Center. For two months I taught three intermediate level ESL classes with students ranging from 8 years of to high school aged. More than learning the routine and developing classroom material, I learned a passion for my students to come to class and take something away that is useful. I am still passionate for that.

When I came back in the fall, having completed almost all of my required business classes, I decided to take some education classes to further develop my teaching and understanding for any of my future students. I enjoyed the classes and genuinely felt like I was learning. At the same time, I wanted to continue to work with children, so I signed up to volunteer with King’s Club International. Coming from a predominately upper-middle class family living in suburban chicagoland, I had to adjust to the differences in race and socioeconomic status of the families we served. It was through this ministry that I gained a love and compassion for inner city children and their families. It is through these experiences that I continue to be committed to kids as a whole, to actively make a difference in their lives.

I am currently employed at the YMCA as the Fun Pass Coordinator. The Fun Pass program is an after school program for junior high students in Champaign County. The goal of this outreach is to give lower income families a place to send their children to have safe and active fun. I began as a temporary bus driver who helped out with the program, but after a semester of commitment to the students, I was offered the coordinator position. There was no transition period from my previous coordinator to myself coordinating, so I quickly had to learn to discipline these students while adjusting to their level in order to reach out to them. In the midst of that, we experienced a rapid growth in attendance as students learned of the program. I continue to run the program with very few, if any volunteers, all the while planning field trips and activities for discontent, complaining junior high students. Though some days are very difficult, I am committed to them, knowing that I may be their only positive interaction for any given day or even week.

I know that anyone can love young children, and I do, but I think I can give more to Washington. Based on my past experiences, I have learned and adjusted for my students. I am fully committed to their lives and learning, even when it is difficult to love them. I am learning that being a teacher means you serve and are no longer being served.